Kitchen Table Polyamory: What It Means and How It Works

What kitchen table polyamory means

Kitchen table polyamory is a style where partners and their other partners are comfortable enough with each other that they could sit down for a meal together. The name comes from that image: everyone around the same kitchen table.

How it differs from parallel polyamory

Parallel polyamory is the opposite approach: partners keep their relationships mostly separate and have little or no contact with each other's other partners. Kitchen table polyamory leans toward knowing and spending time with your partner's partners. Many people sit somewhere in between, and what suits you can change over time.

What it can look like

It does not have a single form, but it might include:

• meeting your partner's other partners and having an easy, friendly relationship with them
• shared meals or social events
• group chats, or sharing calendars so plans are clear
• partners checking in with each other as well as with you

Partners do not have to become close friends. A relaxed, respectful, honest relationship is the aim.

What people like about it

It can mean fewer secrets, since everyone knows each other. It can also make the practical side easier, such as planning around a partner's other relationships. And some people simply enjoy a larger circle of people who care about each other.

What can be hard

It takes people who get on well enough to be around each other, and not every set of people will. It can also put pressure on people to like one another, which is a lot to ask of anyone. Privacy matters too, because some people want to share less than others.

Tips for making it work

• Let relationships between metamours develop at their own pace rather than forcing them.
• Respect that some people want more distance, and that this can change.
• Ask before sharing details about someone else's life.
• Deal with conflict directly and kindly, and do not let it sit.
• Check in regularly about whether the arrangement still works for everyone.

If you want to meet people

Looking for people who share this approach? Browse Polyamory Meet and say which relationship style you prefer.