What Is Polyamory? Meaning, Types and How It Works

What polyamory means

Polyamory is the practice of having more than one romantic relationship at the same time, with everyone involved knowing and agreeing. The word combines a Greek root for "many" with a Latin root for "love," so it is often translated as "many loves."

What defines it is not the number of partners. It is that everyone knows, everyone has agreed, and the relationships are honest.

How polyamory differs from cheating

Polyamory is the opposite of secret: cheating depends on hiding a relationship, while polyamory depends on telling the truth about it. Partners in a polyamorous relationship talk about who else they are seeing and what they have agreed to.

Polyamory and ethical non-monogamy

Ethical non-monogamy, often shortened to ENM, is the wider term for any relationship style where partners agree that romantic or sexual connection with other people is allowed. Polyamory is one kind of ENM. It tends to put emotional and romantic connection at the center, though sexual relationships can be part of it too. Other styles, such as swinging, may focus more on sex than on romance.

Common ways people practice polyamory

There is no single form of polyamory, and people use several terms for how they arrange their relationships:

• Solo polyamory: a person is open to several relationships and keeps their own independent life, without necessarily building a shared household with a partner.
• Hierarchical polyamory: partners agree that some relationships come first, often called "primary" and "secondary" partners.
• Non-hierarchical polyamory: relationships are not ranked, and each is shaped by the people in it.
• Kitchen table polyamory: the people in a network are comfortable sharing a meal together, and partners' other partners are welcome in each other's lives.
• Relationship anarchy: people build each relationship without preset labels or rules, and choose the terms case by case.
• Triads and throuples: three people in a relationship with one another.
• Polycule: the whole network of people connected by relationships. The term is a play on "molecule."

Words you will hear

Metamour is your partner's other partner. Compersion is feeling happy because a partner is happy with someone else. New relationship energy, or NRE, is the excitement of a new connection.

What polyamory asks of people

Polyamory takes honest communication, because every relationship in the network affects the others. People also need time and energy for more than one relationship. Jealousy can still show up. People in polyamorous relationships usually deal with it by talking about it, rather than treating it as a sign something has gone wrong.

If you are curious

Reading about the different styles is a good first step, and so is talking with people who live this way. When you are ready to meet people, you can browse polyamorous profiles on Polyamory Meet and say plainly what kind of connection you are looking for.