What Is Ethical Non-Monogamy? Types and Examples

What ethical non-monogamy means

Ethical non-monogamy, or ENM, is the umbrella term for any relationship style where the people involved agree that each of them may have romantic or sexual connections with other people. The word "ethical" points to what sets it apart from cheating: everyone knows, and everyone has agreed.

The main types

People use these terms in slightly different ways, and the lines between them blur, but here is how they are usually described:

The main styles of ethical non-monogamy

Style	What it usually means
Polyamory	More than one romantic relationship at the same time, with everyone's knowledge and consent
Open relationship	A couple who agree that either may have sexual relationships with other people
Swinging	Couples or individuals having sex with other people, often at the same event or together
Polyfidelity	A closed group of more than two people who are committed to one another
Relationship anarchy	Each relationship is shaped by the people in it, with no default rules or ranking

What they have in common

All of them rest on honesty, consent and ongoing communication. People agree what is and is not allowed, and they revisit those agreements as things change. Sexual health is usually part of the conversation too.

How it differs from cheating

Cheating relies on secrecy, and ENM relies on openness. A person who sleeps with someone else against the agreements of their relationship is breaking those agreements, whatever style the relationship has.

Monogamy is a valid choice too

ENM is not better or worse than monogamy. Plenty of people choose monogamy deliberately and are happy with it. The point is that people choose a style that suits everyone in the relationship.

Finding what fits

Start by working out what you want, and then talk it through with a partner. Go slowly, agree a few clear boundaries, and be ready to change them. Reading about the different styles can help you find the words, and see What Is Polyamory? and Relationship Anarchy for two of them in more detail.

If you want to meet people

If you are exploring ENM and would like to meet others, you can browse profiles on Polyamory Meet and say plainly what you are looking for.